


EPISODE EIGHT: "God Will Hate Me"

by gaypetersimmonds



Series: Skam Brighton: Season Four [9]
Category: Original Work, SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Canon Bisexual Character, Canon Character of Color, Canon Gay Character, Canon Lesbian Character, Canon Trans Character, Episode 8, Skam Season 4, discussion of just like mental illness and stuff like that in clip 4, i'll cover you reprise nation, let's go step-family nation, nothing explicit but it is mentioned, tw for creepy men/mention of sexual assault and discussion of abortion in clip 5, tw for creepy men/self destructive behaviour/mentions of sexual assault/abuse, tw for discussion of alcohol abuse and nicotine addiction in clip 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:28:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24339655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaypetersimmonds/pseuds/gaypetersimmonds
Summary: Brianna Holland has shit sorted. Every part of her is neatly boxed off from the other, from her working class mother, annoyingly perfect step-family, and overwhelming pressure to ace her A-Levels, to her awesome best friends, expertly curated Instagram, and endless hours of drinking that result in random regrettable hook-ups.The ups stay up for all to see, and the downs are covered up. But the different parts of her life are starting to threaten to break down the walls that she’s spent years building up, and if secrets from any side come out, Brianna’s life would be over.As her past keeps coming back to haunt her, and the future gets bleaker every day, she’s going to fight harder than ever to show everyone how goddamn happy she is. Because she is happy. Right?FIRST CLIP: "Best Buds"
Series: Skam Brighton: Season Four [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1681366
Comments: 6
Kudos: 11





	1. CLIP ONE: "Best Buds"

**SATURDAY, MAY 23RD, 18:04**

Establishing shots of Brighton in the evening, council houses, weeds growing up the garden walls, kids running up and down the street, screaming.

INT. KITCHEN, BRIANNA’S HOUSE

BRIANNA, AUDREY, PATRICK and ALISTAIR all sit around the table, already mid-dinner, AUDREY and PATRICK both smiling and laughing at each other as AUDREY holds her hand up to speak, already mid-story. ALISTAIR is watching, smiling politely, as BRIANNA stares ahead, not 100% there.

AUDREY  
So we were standing at the bar, with Lisa’s wee girl, Toni, and this wee boy came up to her and was all flirting with her and everything, and she just said: “I have a  _ girlfriend”. _

AUDREY laughs, and PATRICK joins in, nodding along, BRIANNA sucking in her lips, looking determinedly at her plate, not wanting to hear any of this.

PATRICK  
Bear in mind we were there for her and her boyfriend’s child’s christening.

AUDREY  
And the guy was like “Oh, you’re lying, you’re lying,” and turned to me, like, to see if she was telling the truth, and I was--

She looks at PATRICK and they both laugh.

PATRICK  
Quite drunk at that point.

AUDREY  
So I just yelled: “She’s a  _ lesbian!” _ and the guy ran away!

They both laugh, ALISTAIR joining in, half-hearted, BRIANNA nodding as she takes a drink of water.

AUDREY  
Yeah, it was good fun, so it was… 

There’s a lull of silence, everyone continuing to eat as BRIANNA looks up, out of the window. She’s not really seeing anything, she’s just passing the time.

PATRICK  
Were you two alright on your lonesomes?

BRIANNA looks over at ALISTAIR, who laughs nervously, smiling at the adults, not looking at BRIANNA.

ALISTAIR  
Yeah, yeah, totally fine. Just a super normal time.

BRIANNA laughs, quickly pretending to cough to cover it up as PATRICK looks at her.

PATRICK  
Did you two fight again?

BRIANNA sits up straighter.

BRIANNA  
No, actually, we didn't.

ALISTAIR  
We had a nice talk about stuff and we're best buds now.

BRIANNA's eyes go wide, her eyebrows raised.

BRIANNA  
I wouldn't go that far--

ALISTAIR  
Friends?

BRIANNA  
Well--

ALISTAIR  
We don't hate each other anymore!

He claps, awkwardly laughing as BRIANNA rests her forehead on her hand, trying not to look like she's laughing, and takes another big bite of her dinner as AUDREY laughs.

AUDREY  
Jesus, Bree, I swear I've never seen you eat so much.

BRIANNA chews, nodding.

BRIANNA  
Yeah, I'm just really hungry.

PATRICK  
It'll be good for you. Put some skin on those bones.

He laughs, a little awkward as BRIANNA nods at him, not completely hating him right now.

ALISTAIR  
Implying that she's a skeleton when she doesn't eat.

There's some laughter, BRIANNA rolling her eyes as AUDREY gasps, smiling widely.

AUDREY  
Here, since we're all having a good day, why don't we watch a movie tonight? No phones, no distractions, just a nice family evening together.

BRIANNA looks at AUDREY's hopeful smile as AUDREY looks into her eyes, and BRIANNA tries to smile back, trying not to let any sadness show in her eyes.

PATRICK  
What's on?

AUDREY  
I don't know, we'll look.

BRIANNA shrugs, looking away from AUDREY and taking another bite.

BRIANNA  
I-- I don't know, I might go out--

ALISTAIR  
No, Bree, don't you think this would be fun?

He looks at her, smiling, but his eyes are very serious.

ALISTAIR  
We could have ice cream? And I'll vote for whatever you want to watch?

He looks at her pleadingly, and BRIANNA looks away, awkwardly laughing.

BRIANNA  
You're literally five years old.

ALISTAIR stares at her with puppy dog eyes, whining dramatically. PATRICK and AUDREY make eye contact and laugh as BRIANNA looks at ALISTAIR and sighs.

BRIANNA  
Okay, Jesus.

ALISTAIR grins, doing a little dance in his seat, BRIANNA looking at him, mortified.

ALISTAIR  
Yay!

BRIANNA shakes her head, laughing out of embarrassment more than anything else as she looks over at AUDREY, who's smiling at her, proud.

BRIANNA  
What?

AUDREY shrugs, taking a sip of water.

AUDREY  
Just happy you're happy, pet.

BRIANNA nods awkwardly, laughing a little, as she takes another large bite, looking down at her plate, trying to focus on eating and not thinking about anything else.


	2. CLIP TWO: "More Of An Open Discussion"

**MONDAY MAY 25TH, 09:10**

EXT. ENTRANCE, BACA

_“Everything I Own” by The Front Bottoms_ plays as BRIANNA walks down the path towards the entrance, sunglasses on, makeup immaculate, hair neat. She’s painted herself happy, her smile perfectly still as she walks. She trips over her feet slightly as she opens the door, inhaling sharply. She looks behind herself - no one saw her - and she moves on, walking in.

INT. RECEPTION, BACA

BRIANNA walks in, keeping her head up, passing by a few people on the way. A piece of paper is pinned on the notice board in front of her, hastily written - “All Sixth Formers To The Canteen For A Pre-Exam Assembly”.

She goes still for a moment - she’s already late - and then quickly turns, walking as quick as she can without seeming like she’s in a hurry to be anywhere, still cool as ever.

INT. HALLWAY

BRIANNA continues to walk down a now-empty hallway, speeding up as she passes by a sign pointing to the canteen. Her phone buzzes in her pocket, and she takes it out, still walking as she turns it on. She sees a text from JOSH saying: “Hi”. 

She freezes completely, staring down at it, her jaw slacking. She lifts her sunglasses up to see her phone better - her eyes are red and the dark circles are still visible beneath the makeup.

She taps the message, almost like she’s being controlled by some other being. She stares down at the “Hi”, waiting for it to jump out at her, swaying slightly, not able to look away. The typing bubble comes up - she inhales.

“I can see that you’ve read it. Can we talk?”.

BRIANNA stares at the words, barely able to breathe, and exits out of Whatsapp, instinctively tapping her Gallery. She scrolls past folders of "friends", "art refs" and "custard 💛💛💛" to find a folder named "brianna_the_slut".

In it are screenshots from the brianna_the_slut Instagram, every post ever made - cruel comments, mean captions, and poorly edited photos - cropped so that the cruelty is all she can see. 

BRIANNA scrolls through them, reading each one numbly - she’s done this too many times for it to have a real impact on her anymore, but it still stings. That’s what it’s meant to do.

She stares down at on, stopping her scrolling. It’s a comment that says: “watch her get knocked up before 18 lmaoooo”. BRIANNA inhales sharply, and exits out of the Gallery, opening Google. She goes into incognito and types: “what to do if i’m pregnant and don’t want a baby and can’t tell anyone about it”.

She scrolls through various links, all with titles like “Unplanned Pregnancy Help” and “Pregnancy Options”. She starts to breath heavier and heavier, everything a lot more real now that she looks at it.

The song cuts out as the door behind her opens, two young GIRLS running past in identical uniforms, giggling. BRIANNA instantly exits out of the search, putting her phone in her pocket. She looks up at the clock and slides her sunglasses easily back on, and keeps on walking, quick, controlled, not thinking at all about what she just did.

INT. CANTEEN

The room is full of bored, sleep-deprived students staring up at STEVE THE GUIDANCE COUNSELLOR, who’s also bored and sleep-deprived. BRIANNA quietly opens the door and walks in, interrupting STEVE speaking and making everyone turn to look at her. She laughs, smirking, playing it all off perfectly.

BRIANNA  
Sorry.

STEVE smiles awkwardly, continuing to speak as BRIANNA walks down the aisle of the tables.

STEVE  
Okay, so you’re all beginning your exams this week, whoop whoop!

The STUDENTS do not react at all. STEVE awkwardly laughs.

STEVE  
Okay, so, the times will be listed in your classrooms, so please try and get there on time.

STEVE continues talking as BRIANNA sits at the table with the GIRL SQUAD and ALISTAIR, quietly sliding down as she lifts her sunglasses up to be resting on her head.

RORI  
[whispers] Where were you?

BRIANNA  
[whispers] Just slept in.

LIZ looks over at them, her eyes wide as she frantically puts her finger on her lips. BRIANNA copies her, turning to STEVE.

STEVE  
If you fail to show up for your exam, you will have to retake it at a more inconvenient date.

STEVE continues to talk as BRIANNA sits up, her phone vibrating in her pocket. She stealthily takes it out and looks at it under the table - she has a message from RORI that says: “I feel like I haven’t seen you in weeks how sick were you???”.

BRIANNA quickly types out: “flu virus. vomit EVERYWHERE. you don’t wanna know more.” BRIANNA looks up at RORI, who nods at her, and BRIANNA smiles a little, turning back to STEVE.

STEVE  
Great. Okay, also, next Friday after school there will be a student organised assembly to raise awareness for victims of abuse and sexual assault. 

BRIANNA goes completely still, and then tries to look casual, paying a lot more attention now.

STEVE  
Attendance is not mandatory, but it is a school approved event that I recommend you go. If you want to get involved or now more details, you can contact Sophie Kennedy or Sandy Neuman.

BRIANNA looks between SANDY - who’s getting her hand squeezed by ESTHER - and ALISTAIR, who looks just as bewildered as her. She raises her eyebrows like “what the fuck?” and he shrugs apologetically.

STEVE continues to drone on about the coming exams as BRIANNA takes her phone out of her pocket, opening her messages with ALISTAIR and typing: “did you know anything about this???”.

ALISTAIR takes his phone out of his pocket, looks around and starts to unsubtly text under the table, BRIANNA rolling her eyes at him. She gets a message from him: “no, oh my god, i'm so sorry". She lets out a breath and responds: "you don't have to say that, you didn't do anything". She puts her phone away and looks back up at STEVE.

STEVE  
Okay, that's all for today. Best of luck to all of you, and don't forget to study!

STEVE starts to awkwardly clap, but no one else joins in. He awkwardly nods and starts to walk out, the room bursting into noise as the STUDENTS all stand up and begin to put their bags on, getting ready to go. BRIANNA breathes slowly, trying to keep herself under control as people begin to speak.

RORI  
I didn’t know you were doing something like that, Sandy. It’s really brave.

SANDY smiles, self-conscious, as BRIANNA watches her, both feeling guilty and jealous, and guilty because of the jealousy.

SANDY  
Thank you, yeah, I-- Me and Sophie just decided one day, you know, we should sit down and talk about what happened with us and Bryan, and then we talked more and realised that, you know, there could be other girls-- Or-- Or just people, in general, um, who experienced stuff like that and weren't able to, like, process it or talk about it? So we wanted to raise awareness and say, you know, "you're okay, you're normal, you're not alone".

BRIANNA looks away, brushing some hair behind her ear, trying to look like she's not paying attention.

LIZ  
That's amazing, Sandy. I-- I would really be interested in helping..

ESTHER  
Yeah, you guys just say the word and we’re right there to help. Signs, flyers, preparing smart comebacks for when dickheads ridicule us.

RORI  
Totally!

SANDY  
Thanks! James is already offering to buy us supplies to make big signs, so we're all set there.

The group nods as BRIANNA bites her lip nervously, ALISTAIR looking at her.

ALISTAIR  
Um, that-- Yeah, that's great. They-- They did a really similar thing in "Jagged Little Pill" on Broadway, so, like, there's being more of an open discussion about stuff like that, so it's good. Right?

He looks around nervously.

SANDY  
Yeah, I guess?

ALISTAIR smiles awkwardly as BRIANNA presses her lips together, looking like she’s about to scream.

ESTHER  
Okay, yeah, but we’re all definitely going?

LIZ  
I'm meant to take care of Mary that afternoon, but I'll just let her do it herself, she's twelve now, she can handle being home alone.

RORI  
My parents still won't leave me home alone and I will be a legal adult next year, and that's on being Asian! Period!

There's some laughter, RORI doing a peace sign as BRIANNA looks away, tightening her bag straps on her shoulders. RORI looks over at her, still smiling.

RORI  
Are you good to, Bree?

BRIANNA shrugs.

BRIANNA  
[lying] I’ll have to see, it's my mum's birthday that day, so I have to see if I can get out of it.

SANDY looks at her, smiling hopefully.

SANDY  
Can you try? I-- I'd really appreciate you being there.

BRIANNA  
I will.

SANDY smiles widely as BRIANNA looks away guiltily, breathing out.

BRIANNA  
I gotta get to class, I was sick basically all weekend, so I don’t have a fucking clue what’s in any of these books.

The GIRL SQUAD all laugh a little, all of them noticing that there’s something off with BRIANNA, who awkwardly laughs, turning, sliding her sunglasses down, and quickly walking away.

BRIANNA  
I’ll see you guys later.

BRIANNA keeps smiling as she walks through the crowd of STUDENTS, keeping it on as she lets herself get lost in the crowd. Every now and then, people will wave at her or tap her shoulder, saying hi, and she nods back, still smiling, not really knowing any of the people, but just playing the part she knows she has to play.

The camera stays still as BRIANNA keeps walking on, more and more people walking past until the screen goes black.


	3. CLIP THREE: "Legally Can't"

**TUESDAY MAY 26TH, 17:17**

INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE JAMES’S APARTMENT

BRIANNA, holding a Rent script under her arm, walks down the ratty hallway to the front door of JAMES’s apartment, tucking some hair behind her ear as she knocks on the door, putting on a polite smile. 

Her phone buzzes in her pocket and she freezes, the smile instantly falling, everything going still as she takes it out - it’s just a message from AUDREY.

She lets out a breath of relief and reads: “Don’t forget you have your appointment with Dr Peters at 4 tomorrow! I can’t pick you up, so you’ll have to walk, so make time for that! It'll be really good for you! I love you!!!”. BRIANNA lets out a breath, exhausted in advance, as the door opens to show a messy, but grinning JAMES.

JAMES  
Hey, Bree.

BRIANNA looks up, putting the smile back on and her phone in her pocket.

BRIANNA  
Hi. Can I--

JAMES  
Yeah, yeah, come on in.

BRIANNA nods, and walks in.

INT. LIVING ROOM, JAMES’S APARTMENT

BRIANNA walks in, JAMES closing the door behind her.

JAMES  
Okay, I have backing tracks from Liz and Youtube on my phone and I have my guitar - by the way, Musetta’s Waltz is bullshit, I’ve never hated anything more - but, besides that, we’re all good to go.

BRIANNA sits down on the sofa, leaving her script in her lap as she looks back at JAMES, leaning her head on the back of the sofa.

BRIANNA  
Honestly, at least you just have to do one guitar thing, Fletcher has me doing a million different moves every five seconds.

JAMES laughs, nodding as he gets his guitar from its stand.

BRIANNA  
Honestly, if I never have to hear him say the word “behind” again, it’ll be too soon. Literally, just say ass!

JAMES  
He would say it like “arse” and shit.

BRIANNA wrinkles her nose, disgusted.

BRIANNA  
I fucking hate the English.

JAMES  
Me too, Bree, me too.

He sets his guitar on the sofa next to BRIANNA.

JAMES  
I’m gonna go get a drink, do you want one?

BRIANNA laughs, trying to deflect the question.

BRIANNA  
Aren’t we meant to be working?

JAMES half scoffs and half laughs.

JAMES  
We’re not Rori or Liz, we don’t get wasted on one drink.

BRIANNA shrugs, making herself laugh along.

BRIANNA  
I just-- Yeah. Don’t really know.

JAMES furrows his brow, sitting down next to her.

JAMES  
Is there something wrong?

BRIANNA breathes out slowly, not looking at him.

BRIANNA  
Do you… Do you ever think you can drink too much?

JAMES shrugs, BRIANNA already planning a way to get out of the situation.

JAMES  
I mean… Okay, one time, two years ago, I drank, like, half a bottle of wine, five shots of vodka, three beers and a thing of whiskey.

BRIANNA’s eyes go wide.

BRIANNA  
Oh, shit.

JAMES  
Yeah. I know. Woke up the next day with no shirt covered in my own vomit. 

BRIANNA winces, laughing a bit, JAMES nodding along.

JAMES  
Yeah, not my best moment. Took a break from drinking for a while, ‘cause I literally couldn’t drink anymore, but then got back to normal and look at me now!

BRIANNA laughs again, trying to fill the silence more than anything else.

BRIANNA  
Jesus Christ… Why’d you drink that much, were you celebrating the end of the world or something?

JAMES  
Well, it was Purim, and I was just… I mean, it’s a celebration of “yay, we didn’t die, let’s all party!”.

BRIANNA half-smiles, confused.

BRIANNA  
Congratulations?

JAMES  
Thank you! You guys get to drink wine, like, every week, Purim is our special wine time.

BRIANNA rolls her eyes.

BRIANNA  
It’s one sip. And it’s diluted with water. It’s dusty, and you share the cup with, like, a hundred other people. Literally, a million percent chance of herpes.

JAMES laughs, BRIANNA nodding along.

BRIANNA  
Yeah… It’s fucking weird.

JAMES  
But it’s still nice.

BRIANNA looks at him and smiles, nodding, understood.

BRIANNA  
It’s… It’s nice to have something to believe in.

JAMES  
Yeah, it is.

There’s a moment of silence, comfortable, both of them thinking about the statement. BRIANNA looks at JAMES for a moment, someone like her, and takes a breath, deciding to be brave.

BRIANNA  
Okay, question.

JAMES  
Shoot.

BRIANNA  
How long do you think you could go without drinking now?

JAMES  
Like… I could go for a week or two, but like… I know I _could_ manage without alcohol, but I don’t really _want_ to.

He laughs, BRIANNA nodding along.

JAMES  
What about you?

BRIANNA laughs, trying to add humour where there isn’t any, shrugging, and looking away.

BRIANNA  
I… I’ve been trying not to drink, like, every day for the past week, and… It feels like my head is constantly splitting open and I-- Like, I can think, but it’s just so much and so foggy and I get all shaky and I’m so tired and I can’t eat and… 

She looks over at JAMES, who’s watching her with concern, and she lets out a laughy breath, building back up the wall she began to take down..

BRIANNA  
Shit, that isn’t good.

JAMES blinks at her, completely serious and mirrored.

JAMES  
Bree, do… Do you think you might have an alcohol problem?

BRIANNA is still for a moment, knowing he's probably right, but she scoffs and laughs anyway, playing the grand, all-knowing girl she’s used to.

BRIANNA  
I’m seventeen, I legally can’t.

JAMES laughs, to make BRIANNA more comfortable - it doesn’t work, they both know something is afoot.

JAMES  
Just ‘cause you’re seventeen doesn’t mean you can’t. 

BRIANNA rolls her eyes, scoff-laughing, but JAMES’s face stays still.

JAMES  
I can’t judge. I mean, I’m addicted to nicotine.

BRIANNA looks at him, her breath catching in her throat as he nods.

JAMES  
I-- I smoke, like, half a pack a day. I get… God, the cravings are so fucking bad, but… They calm me down, you know? I don’t have health insurance so I can’t do therapy shit, so they’re all I got. 

BRIANNA nods, letting the words sink into her brain.

BRIANNA  
I… Yeah. Just…

She trails off, not wanting to let herself speak about it. JAMES looks at her, waiting.

JAMES  
You can speak if you want to. It’s okay.

BRIANNA nods, scared, barely able to poke her head out from her hiding place.

BRIANNA  
Sometimes… Things don’t work. [awkwardly laughs] Yeah, duh, I’m such a fucking genius.

JAMES nods, listening, not pretending to joke anymore. BRIANNA takes a deep breath, trying to force herself to open up.

BRIANNA  
Just… Drinking makes me feel lighter. You know, more fun to be around, like… People actually like me when I drink.

She shrugs.

BRIANNA  
I mean, I like me more when I drink. Doesn’t everyone? And-- And maybe I drink a little when I'm stressed, I don’t know, don’t a lot of people? 

JAMES  
Yeah, but like… Is it good though?

BRIANNA shrugs, breathing out, letting herself say it.

BRIANNA  
Just… It’s fucked up, isn’t it? Like, it’s normal to start drinking when you’re, like, fourteen, fifteen, but, like… That’s so _young_ , isn’t it?

JAMES  
Yeah, but as long as they’re safe, right?

BRIANNA nods.

BRIANNA  
Yeah, they’re safe then, but… I don’t know, isn’t it, like, a lead up to something worse? Like-- Like I can handle almost any drink, but like… I can’t handle… 

She shrugs, deliberately trailing off, too insecure and holding herself back too much to specify.

JAMES  
I mean… This is just how it is.

BRIANNA looks at him, hearing her own words said back at her, as if hearing them for the first time.

BRIANNA  
Just because it’s how something is doesn’t mean it’s good.

JAMES  
Yeah, exactly, but… As long as us young teens are supervised when we start drinking and learn how to handle it, it isn’t really that bad, right?

He’s trying to convince both of them, awkwardly laughing, but neither of them really believe it. They both want to, though. BRIANNA shrugs, blowing out a breath.

BRIANNA  
I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe not. 

She awkwardly laughs, filling up the concerned silence, bricking herself on the outside of intimacy.

BRIANNA  
Who the fuck cares? We’re not hear to philosophise and shit, are we?

JAMES laughs along, nodding.

JAMES  
Yeah, yeah… But if you wanna talk about this stuff--

BRIANNA  
I’m just sleep-deprived and shit, James, it’s fine.

She smiles at him, flipping her script open.

BRIANNA  
Let’s rehearse this bitch!

JAMES laughs and nods - BRIANNA can tell that he also wants to pretend this didn't happen - and he stands up.

JAMES  
I’m just gonna get some water first, okay?

BRIANNA  
Okay.

JAMES nods and goes into the kitchen, and BRIANNA covers her face with her hands, breathing out heavily. She groans quietly, cringing at letting herself speak, and then leans back, letting her hands fall by her side - one of them hits the guitar with a loud TWANG of the strings, making her jump and yelp. JAMES laughs from the kitchen as BRIANNA rubs her hand.

BRIANNA  
Ah, sorry!

JAMES [O.S.]  
You’re fine.

JAMES walks in, holding a glass, and sits where the guitar is sitting, taking it up and resting it naturally on his lap. BRIANNA watches the guitar, staring down at the hole, as JAMES begins to delicately and slowly play “Musetta's Waltz”, going fine, calm, the music skating in and out of BRIANNA’s ears, until he hits the wrong string with a loud TWANG, making both of them jump and wince.

JAMES  
Gotta keep practising.

BRIANNA  
You can say that again.

JAMES laughs, joking.

JAMES  
Fuck you.

BRIANNA smiles and looks down at her script, opened on the transition from “One Song Glory” to “Light My Candle”.

BRIANNA  
Okay, we’re cool, we’re young, we’re edgy, we’re cunts, and we’re in New York!

JAMES starts to play more rock-y chords - the bridge of “One Song Glory” - and BRIANNA nods her head along, rising up and down with the melody, getting lost in the temporary escape it gives her. She breathes in and out, slowly, and the guitar abruptly ends.


	4. CLIP FOUR: "You Are Good"

**WEDNESDAY, MAY 27TH, 15:58**

EXT. HOSPITAL ENTRANCE

_“Even My Dog” by Kathryn Gallagher_ plays as BRIANNA walks towards the entrance of a large hospital, sunglasses back on, long coat over her clothes, trying to be as invisible and anonymous as she can, but she’s the only person walking in, going against the flow of a family walking out.

INT. RECEPTION, HOSPITAL

She walks through the reception, past a quite long queue of people all lined up, waiting for their turn. None of them are moving and all look at BRIANNA as she walks past - not for any reason, just because she’s passing, but she still pulls her coat tighter around her, keeping her head high to look taller, older, more mature.

INT. VARIOUS HALLWAYS, HOSPITAL

BRIANNA walks down various hallways, staying close to the walls, keeping her eye line on the various signs on the walls and ceiling, avoiding looking at anyone passing her. She keeps walking through identical hallways that all blend into each other, her head slowing falling with boredom.

She stops still, looking up. She stares at a sign pointing to the “Maternity Ward”, to her left, and she looks down the hallway. NURSES are bustling around, all going around their days, and a pregnant YOUNG WOMAN walks out of a room, being supported by a YOUNG MAN, both of them smiling at each other.

They start to walk towards BRIANNA, and BRIANNA walks away as quickly as she can, heading into a door marked “STAIRCASE”.

INT. STAIRCASE, HOSPITAL

BRIANNA walks up the staircase, going up and up and up until she reaches the level she’s been searching for, holding the stitch in her side.

  
  


INT. PSYCHIATRIC RECEPTION, HOSPITAL

BRIANNA walks into the reception area, where some people are sitting in the waiting area. She takes her earphones out, the song disappearing, and slides her sunglasses up to her head, smiling politely at the receptionist.

BRIANNA  
Hi, appointment for Brianna Holland?

RECEPTIONIST  
Okay, one second.

The RECEPTIONIST clicks some things on her computer, BRIANNA looking around herself awkwardly.

RECEPTIONIST  
Okay, what’s your birthday, love?

BRIANNA  
April 6th 2003.

The RECEPTIONIST nods.

RECEPTIONIST  
Just take a seat over there, thank you.

BRIANNA  
Thanks.

BRIANNA keeps smiling as she takes a seat in the corner on her own. She looks up at the clock - four o’clock - and takes a breath, looking away and blinking a few times, rubbing her temples, tired. When she looks back at the clock, it’s a bit past half past four, and she sighs. A tall man - DR PETERS - walks out of a room.

DR PETERS  
Brianna?

BRIANNA looks up and smiles, mostly relieved to be leaving the room. She stands up, steadying herself on the arms of the chair, and walks over to the office, following DR PETERS in.

INT. DR PETER’S OFFICE, HOSPITAL

DR PETERS sits down at his desk, beginning to type away on his computer as BRIANNA sits down in a chair opposite him. She fiddles with her fingers, picking at the black nail polish on her left ring finger. It begins to come off, but won’t come off fully, so she bites it off, spiting it out into her hand and letting it fall to the floor as DR PETERS turns to face her, smiling politely.

DR PETERS  
So. How have we been doing recently?

BRIANNA shrugs.

BRIANNA  
Fine?

DR PETERS  
“Fine?”

BRIANNA  
Yeah, fine.

DR PETERS  
Your mum said otherwise when she made the appointment.

BRIANNA  
Well, I was having not the best time then, but… It’s fine. We’re all fine.

DR PETERS nods, taking a moment as BRIANNA keeps her smile on.

DR PETERS  
How’s your week been?

BRIANNA  
Yeah, yeah, lots of studying.

She laughs, nodding, trying to get DR PETERS to laugh along - he doesn’t, he just nods.

DR PETERS  
That’s good. Have you been talking with your friend a lot? You mentioned them a lot the last time we spoke.

BRIANNA  
Um, yeah. Not as much as usual lately, 'cause exams, but... Yeah. I've been going out, you know, socialising and such.

She laughs again.

DR PETERS  
With your friends?

BRIANNA  
Uh, sometimes. Mostly just… Kind of on my own.

DR PETERS nods, writing something down on his notepad.

DR PETERS  
Brianna, what comes to mind when you think of “self isolation”?

BRIANNA  
A nice Sunday afternoon?

DR PETERS  
[firm] Brianna.

BRIANNA nods, her smile falling, looking around the room, trying to find the right answer.

BRIANNA  
Just… I know what I do isn’t good, okay? This is just how I am, there isn’t much I can do to change--

DR PETERS  
You can’t change unless you want to.

BRIANNA nods, trying not to pay attention, but there’s nothing she can use now to distract herself.

DR PETERS  
What made you go off your medication?

BRIANNA instinctively shrugs, but then stops herself. She knows the answer, but… 

BRIANNA  
I… I don’t want to say it.

DR PETERS  
Okay. That’s fine, but can I ask why not?

BRIANNA  
Because I know it’s not the right thing to say and you… 

She holds back from saying it, but DR PETERS looks at her, his eyes soft, trying to find the best way to care for her.

DR PETERS  
What will I do?

BRIANNA  
I don’t know, judge me?

She does know, she does mean judge her, but saying it is too much for her to handle, so she awkwardly laughs, shaking some of her hair out to cover her face. DR PETERS nods.

DR PETERS  
Why are you afraid of me judging you?

BRIANNA  
Because… ‘Cause I have to see you after this, and you’re going to remember everything I say and… I don’t know, it’s stupid.

DR PETERS  
Your feelings are never “stupid”.

BRIANNA blows out some air, not saying yes, but not saying no.

DR PETERS  
Do you think other people judge you?

BRIANNA  
No, I _know_ they judge me.

DR PETERS  
How?

BRIANNA  
I have ears. And eyes. Seriously, the looks some people give you…

DR PETERS  
What about your friends? Do they judge you?

BRIANNA honestly doesn’t know, she shakes her head without meaning to.

BRIANNA  
I don’t… 

She shrugs, sighing.

BRIANNA  
I don’t talk to my friends about this stuff because… We don’t talk about stuff like that, we just talk about light stuff, and-- And when it gets heavy... I don't know. I feel like I've talked about this a million times, but I've only said it to, like, two people. One of them being myself, for all but one of those times. It's not because I think they’re going to… I don’t know, hate me. I just know... I mean, I _feel_ like they’re not going to understand. They’ll try, but they won’t. They’re all so… Middle class. [laughs] They look like they’ve never had to wear shoes that have the soles coming off in their lives.

She looks to DR PETERS for his laugh - it doesn’t come. She stops for a moment, knowing she’s failed somehow.

BRIANNA  
Yeah, sorry. Um, they… Because they would judge me, and them judging me means that then they know me, and… I know I’m not a good person, but they have no reason to know that.

DR PETERS is puzzled - BRIANNA is too, by the puzzle inside of herself.

DR PETERS  
Why aren’t you a good person?

BRIANNA stutters for a few moments, trying to find the right explanation for herself.

BRIANNA  
Because I… I _want_.

DR PETERS  
What do you want?

BRIANNA  
I-- I want to drink. I want to dance, to joke around, to wear pretty clothes, to wear makeup that doesn’t feel like a mask, to-- To have fancy art supplies and to talk to the beautiful people I want to and not the people who talk to me because I’m beautiful. I want to hug my mum for a million years and tell her how much I appreciate her, but I'm scared to because I want to be strong for her. I-- I want to talk to my best friend about how I’m in love with her, but I know that’s going to upset my entire friend group, and her, so I don’t, because I want them to be happy.

BRIANNA nods, rubbing her hands together, trying to wash off the ambition.

BRIANNA  
I-- I do a lot of things. I do some shit I don’t want to to help my friends raise money or get party favours or-- Or I do things I don’t want to just so people will leave me alone, because… I’m suffocating in this town because everyone here knows who I am and how I spread STIs and kiss five people in the same night and that I’m playing a teenage drug addict stripper in my friends’ musicals, because that’s how everyone thinks I’m going to end up.

DR PETERS nods, taking it all in.

DR PETERS  
Okay…

BRIANNA  
Not-- Not that I think there’s anything wrong with that. I once sold a kiss from me for £200 to raise money for new school supplies, but… Is it bad that I know I can… There’s so much I know how to do that no one else here knows? I have made over fifty costumes for shows, using things I found in charity shops and my mum’s rickety old sewing machine. I’ve raised a thousand pounds by selling pure gold jewellery to support that theatre club, which I didn’t really care about at the starts, and I… I’m fucking talented. I’ve designed these buildings, and-- And I know they’re gonna stand somewhere someday. Towering over everyone else, and they’re all gonna know my name and that I was here, but... All people care about is what I wear and who I sleep with and if I'm bitchy or not, and that's all they're ever going to care about. 

She looks down at herself and realises that she's been resting a hand on her stomach for the past while and she quickly moves it off, 

DR PETERS  
I see.

BRIANNA nods, breathing in and out, calming herself down.

BRIANNA  
I-- I just… I want to create something people will remember me for. Something good, not… Stupid rumours everyone’s heard, a good half of which aren’t true.

DR PETERS  
Not everyone.

BRIANNA  
 _Yes_ everyone.

DR PETERS  
Brianna, I don’t mean to patronise, but there are over 600,000 people in this town. It's statistically impossible that every one of them knows who you are.

BRIANNA rubs her nose, childish in her shame.

DR PETERS  
And it’s good to want things. You are a kind, hard-working young woman.

BRIANNA  
[snaps] But I’m not going to get what I want, am I?

DR PETERS  
[quick] Why not?

BRIANNA  
Because I can’t leave here.

DR PETERS raises his eyebrows at her as she hesitates for a moment. She can't say the big thing she really means.

BRIANNA  
I-- I don’t think I’m gonna do well on my exams, and if I don’t, I won’t be able to go to university, and I'm not even sure if I can afford to go to university or afford to live in my own place or afford to get food at the end of every week, so then I’m gonna be stuck here.

DR PETERS  
University isn’t the only option.

BRIANNA  
It feels like it is.

DR PETERS looks puzzled.

DR PETERS  
You can do internships, apprenticeships, get a job, you can do so many things.

BRIANNA  
Yeah, but you can’t do anything that gives you enough money to get away without a degree. And even then, it’s barely anything. The economy’s shit.

DR PETERS nods, laughing a little.

DR PETERS  
That it is, that it is… But you will get into a university, Brianna. You’re very smart. And you can take out loans and get scholarships and such. 

BRIANNA shakes her head, trying to swallow the lump in her throat.

BRIANNA  
I don’t know what’s going to happen with me. I just... I really don't like who I am or what's happening to me right now.

DR PETERS makes steady eye contact with BRIANNA, who looks back, trying not to blink too much or not enough.

DR PETERS  
One day you will. You need time. But just know that you are good. Not good at something or good for something, you are just a good person.

BRIANNA’s mouth falls open, letting out a small sound, as the tears begin to stream down her cheeks, beginning to sob as DR PETERS holds out a box of tissues. BRIANNA lets herself cry for a few moments, just letting it all rain down, and then accepts the box, pulling out some tissues and wiping her face, makeup smudging off onto the tissue.

DR PETERS  
Take a moment, and then let’s talk more about this, okay?

BRIANNA nods, wiping her eyes clean and taking a deep, shaky breath. This isn’t okay, but she’s beginning to accept that that’s okay.


	5. CLIP FIVE: "You're Gonna Think I'm Stupid"

**FRIDAY MAY 29TH, 15:49**

INT. STAGE, SALLIS BENNEY THEATRE

BRIANNA watches from a seat in the audience as NICK and RORI stand on stage left, laughing and messing around, NICK holding a cow bell. On the other side of the stage, ESTHER and JAMES are sitting together, talking as he plays “Musetta’s Waltz” very slowly. People are milling about, rehearsing harmonies with LIZ at the piano, painting sets with SANDY, being filmed by ALISTAIR, everyone working hard and BRIANNA bites her lip, feeling so detached from it all and so guilty that she feels that way, that all she can do is sit there.

NICK hits the cowbell loudly, and RORI laughs, BRIANNA’s attention brought back to them.

RORI  
Okay, okay, okay!

She takes a deep breath and belts out:

RORI  
_ A leap  
_ _ Of   
_ _ Faith _

BRIANNA lets out an impressed breath, smiling to herself, watching as NICK and RORI laugh and continues to talk, not loud enough to be heard over the hubbub of the other people. BRIANNA looks around, no one’s paying attention to her, so she takes out her phone, turning it on and opening Instagram, beginning to scroll through it, when:

JOSH [O.S.]  
Hey.

BRIANNA’s shoulders tense and she looks up to see JOSH standing over her, looking genuinely sad.

JOSH  
You blocked me.

BRIANNA laughs awkwardly.

BRIANNA  
Um, I have to go talk about costume stuff with--

JOSH  
I just wanna talk to you for a minute.

BRIANNA looks around - no one is looking at her and no one can hear her. She takes a deep breath, looking away, blinking rapidly.

BRIANNA  
What do you want?

JOSH  
I want to know why you’re ignoring me.

BRIANNA  
I-- I haven’t, I’ve just been busy. Exams and stuff.

JOSH raises his eyebrows, laughing a little, harshly.

JOSH  
Exams made you block me?

BRIANNA  
Look, I can’t deal with this right now, I-- I have a lot of work to do, and--

JOSH holds his hand up, interrupting her and speaking over her.

JOSH  
I have been nothing but nice to you.

BRIANNA scoffs involuntarily, and JOSH lets out a breath.

JOSH  
I don’t want to do this.

BRIANNA  
Do what?

JOSH takes out his phone and messes on it for a bit, BRIANNA watching, no idea what he’s about to do, but absolutely terrified.

JOSH holds his phone out to her, and on it is a picture of a sleeping, naked BRIANNA. BRIANNA’s mouth falls open, blinking rapidly, barely able to breathe.

BRIANNA  
Where-- Where did you--

JOSH  
I took them the night we met. Just-- Just in case I never saw you again, because you are just… You’re so beautiful.

BRIANNA clenches her fists, angrily breathing in as she stands up, still not as tall as him but holding her head up high.

BRIANNA  
I have to go.

JOSH  
Bree--

BRIANNA  
Blocking you means don’t talk to me. 

JOSH  
But--

BRIANNA  
No.

She starts to walk away, but he follows her.

JOSH  
Brianna, I love you.

BRIANNA spins to look at him, completely confused and disgusted.

BRIANNA  
What the fu-- You don’t even know me!

JOSH  
I do!

He steps forward, and she steps back, keeping her guard up as much as she can.

JOSH  
I know you’re beautiful and smart and fun and exotic, and I know it’s only been two months, but I feel so much more alive whenever I’m with you. You make me feel like I can be fixed, and--

BRIANNA  
Josh. I have to go. Talk about costume stuff.

JOSH  
Okay, just… Just text me? Sometime?

BRIANNA nods, sucking her lips in as JOSH smiles, walking away, up to the stage. BRIANNA sighs, dropping all of her pretences, letting her head hang down, the weight of everything heavy on her shoulders. She takes a breath and picks herself up, stretching her shoulders and looking to her left. ALISTAIR is standing there, his camera pointed right at her. She sighs, done with everything.

BRIANNA  
What the fuck are you looking at?

ALISTAIR holds his free hand up.

ALISTAIR  
Sorry, just-- Just, um, getting B-roll. For the--

BRIANNA  
Whatever.

She walks towards the stage, screwing her eyes up as ESTHER stands up, checking the time on her phone.

ESTHER  
[yells] Okay lads, let’s run through from the funeral scene to the end of “What You Own”, just try and go all the way.

NICK  
That’s what she said!

People laugh as BRIANNA lets out a breath, thankful that she has a distraction, but annoyed that she has to do work in front of other people. She gets onto the stage, the rest of the CAST joining her, chatting casually, as ESTHER and SANDY lift a table to the centre of the stage, MILO sitting on it. SOPHIE stands next to BRIANNA, who looks over at her and smiles, nodding in greeting.

SOPHIE  
Hey Mimi.

BRIANNA  
Hey Joanne.

BRIANNA lets out a breath, glancing over to where JOSH is standing on the other side of the stage, staring at her. The smile falters on her face and SOPHIE looks concerned.

SOPHIE  
You okay, babe?

BRIANNA  
Just trying to remember my lines.

SOPHIE  
God, yeah, I feel that. The amount of times I fuck up “Cyber Arts and its corporate sponsor, Grey Communications,  would like to… to…” Fuck, it’s a fucking hard line.

ANNABELL, who’s standing on SOPHIE’s other side, laughs along with SOPHIE and BRIANNA.

ANNABELL  
At least you don’t have to remember a million different characters and harmonies.

SOPHIE  
You’re the backbone of this production, babe.

BRIANNA looks over at them, nodding and smiling awkwardly.

BRIANNA  
You are.

ANNABELL smiles back, a little awkward as well, BRIANNA moving a bit closer to SOPHIE, feeling safer that way, as SANDY sits down in the front row, ESTHER taking her place in the crescent shape around the stage.

ESTHER  
Okay, quiet please!

Some people go quiet, and ESTHER sighs, making pleading eye contact with BRIANNA. BRIANNA nods.

BRIANNA  
[yells] Quiet!

Everyone goes quiet, and ESTHER smiles, tired, just wanting to get this done, standing up straighter.

ESTHER  
Alright, action.

LIZ begins to play a sad tune on the piano as BRIANNA and the rest of the cast stare at NICK walks towards the back of the stage, wrapped in a sheet. BRIANNA walks to the centre of the stage, taking a deep breath, shaking slightly.

BRIANNA  
[American accent] Angel was one of my closest friends. It's right that it's Halloween, because it was their favourite holiday. 

Behind her, NICK makes a zombie face and groans, making JAMES and THEO laugh, but BRIANNA just keeps on going, smiling bittersweetly.

BRIANNA  
I knew we'd hit it off from the moment we met. That skin head was bothering them, and they said they was more of a man than he'd ever be--

NICK flexes his muscles.

BRIANNA  
And more of a woman than he'd ever get… 

NICK shakes his hips and moans in a high, dramatic voice, making BRIANNA laugh as MILO turns around and glares at him.

MILO  
Can you stop being a fucking idiot for one second?

NICK’s mouth falls open and he scoffs, rolling his eyes and looking away. BRIANNA, still centre stage, quickly looks over to RORI, not sure what to do.

RORI  
[mouths] Just keep going.

BRIANNA quickly walks back to her position, looking down at her feet, controlling her breathing as ALISTAIR walks to where she was standing.

ALISTAIR  
[American accent] And then there was that time that they walked up to this group of tourists, and they were all petrified, because, a) they were obviously lost, and b) they had probably never spoken to a trans person or a drag queen before in their lives, and then… and Angel just offered to escort them out of Alphabet City. And-- And then they let them take a picture with them, and then Angel said they'd help them find the Circle Line… 

ALISTAIR goes back to his position as RORI takes his place, BRIANNA looking up to watch her.

RORI  
[American accent] So much more original then any of us… You'd find an old table cloth on the street and make a dress, and next year, sure enough, they'd be mass producing them at the Gap. 

RORI looks over at BRIANNA, making eye contact with her.

RORI  
You always said how lucky you were that we were all friends. But it was us, baby, who were the lucky ones.

RORI smiles sadly at BRIANNA, and she walks back to her place, BRIANNA taking deep breaths as the piano gets deeper, setting up a song.

MILO  
_ Live in my house  
_ _ I’ll be your shelter  
_ _ Just pay me back  
_ _ With one thousand kisses  
_ _ Be my lover  
_ _ And I’ll cover you _

They stand up, walking to the front of the stage as BRIANNA rests a hand on her stomach, looking natural enough if you didn’t know. She closes her eyes, letting herself think about the life that’s inside.

MILO  
_ Open your door  
_ _ I’ll be your tenant  
_ _ Don’t got much baggage  
_ _ To lay at your feet  
_ _ But sweet kisses I’ve got to spare  
_ _ I’ll be there  
_ _ And I’ll cover you _

The rest of the CAST start to hum backup harmonies, a little bit shoddy, a little bit shaky, BRIANNA’s still not opening her eyes. She doesn’t want to see.

MILO  
_ I think they meant it  
_ _ When they said you can’t buy love  
_ _ Now I know you can rent it  
_ _ A new lease you were my love  
_ _ On life  
_ _ All my life _

BRIANNA opens her eyes and looks around at the friends she’s made, the family she’s found, the life she’s built for herself, and she realises that it’s all going to end if she doesn’t make a decision soon.

MILO  
_ I’ve longed to discover  
_ _ Something as true as this is  
_ _ Yeah _

The rest of the CAST, except for NICK, move forward to form a straight line at the front of the stage.

ANNABELL, (OTHERS) and {OTHERS}  
_ So with a thousand sweet kisses (I'll cover you) {525,600 minutes} _

MILO  
_ If you’re cold and you're lonely _

ANNABELL, (OTHERS) and {OTHERS}  
_ With a thousand sweet kisses (I’ll cover you) {525,600 moments so dear} _

SOPHIE takes BRIANNA’s hand, everyone else beginning to do the same - it’s not planned, they just feel it - and BRIANNA takes WREN’s hand next to her, tears beginning to fill her eyes.

MILO  
_ You’ve got one nickel only _

ANNABELL and (OTHERS)  
_ With a thousand sweet kisses (525,600 minutes) _

MILO  
_ When you worn out and you’re tired _

ANNABELL, (OTHERS) and {OTHERS}  
_ With a thousand sweet kisses (I’ll cover you) {525,000} _

MILO  
_ When your heart has expired _

BRIANNA’s breath hitches in her mouth as she drops SOPHIE and WREN’s hands, too overwhelmed by her thoughts, barely able to breathe. She runs off the stage, as everyone else stops singing, staring after her.

INT. BACKSTAGE

BRIANNA runs through the backstage, breathing heavily, wiping the tears out of her eyes as people yell after her.

RORI/ANNABELL/SANDY/ESTHER/LIZ/JAMES/NICK/ALISTAIR/SOPHIE/JAKE [O.S.]  
Bree!/Brianna!

BRIANNA keeps running, out through a door.

INT. HALLWAY

BRIANNA runs into the hallway, past various props and pieces of costumes, slowing down and leaning against the wall, both breathing heavily from panicking and the exercise, trying to slow it down, but it isn’t working. The door opens behind her, and she turns to see ESTHER, SANDY, LIZ and RORI coming in, all very concerned and speaking quickly.

LIZ  
Bree, what happened?

ESTHER  
Are you alright, what happened?

RORI  
Are you okay?

SANDY  
Give her some space, come on.

BRIANNA keeps breathing, in and out, heavily, and she slides down the wall, sitting on the floor with her knees up to her chest. The rest of the GIRL SQUAD look at each other, trying to figure out what to do, and RORI goes to kneel down beside her, breathing in and out slowly, BRIANNA’s breathing beginning to slow as she does. SANDY kneels on BRIANNA’s other side, also doing the breathing, and ESTHER and LIZ copy her, LIZ going to BRIANNA’s other side, all of them breathing in calm, worried sync.

BRIANNA  
I-- I’m so sorry.

SANDY/ESTHER/RORI/LIZ  
You’ve done nothing wrong/It’s okay/Don’t be sorry.

BRIANNA  
I’ve ruined rehearsal.

ESTHER  
You didn’t ruin shit, Bree, it’s okay, what’s wrong?

BRIANNA shrugs, swallowing down her tears, doing her best to keep a brave face.

BRIANNA  
I… Something’s… happened.

SANDY  
What’s happened?

BRIANNA shrugs, laughing awkwardly because that’s the only sound she can make.

RORI  
Bree. Please talk to us.

BRIANNA  
[blurts it out] I’m pregnant.

Silence. BRIANNA lets out a ragged, sobby breath, covering her face with her hands, breathing in and out quickly, the GIRL SQUAD exchanging worried and shocked glances behind her, none of them knowing what to do.

BRIANNA  
I-- I didn’t want this to happen, I was blacked out or something when it happened, I just…

She shrugs, beginning to cry.

BRIANNA  
I don’t know what I’m going to do.

RORI rubs BRIANNA’s shoulder, solid and there, holding her close as she sobs into her chest. SANDY puts her hand on BRIANNA’s other shoulder, awkward, but still supportive.

SANDY  
I’m sorry, Bree.

BRIANNA  
Yeah, so am I.

Silence again, BRIANNA slowing her breathing down as ESTHER makes eye contact with her, concerned and delicate.

ESTHER  
Does your mum know?

BRIANNA shakes her head, wiping her eyes and regaining her composure, sitting up.

LIZ  
Do you  _ want  _ to have a baby?

BRIANNA quickly shakes her head.

BRIANNA  
No.

LIZ  
Okay, then you don't have to.

BRIANNA looks at her, astounded.

BRIANNA  
It's not that easy.

LIZ  
Why not?

SANDY makes eye contact with LIZ, shaking her head.

SANDY  
Liz.

BRIANNA  
Just… You’re gonna think I’m stupid.

RORI reaches out and holds BRIANNA’s hand, squeezing it.

RORI  
It’s okay, tell us.

BRIANNA takes a breath and rips the plaster off.

BRIANNA  
God will hate me.

There’s a pause, no one really knowing what to say. BRIANNA laughs bitterly.

BRIANNA  
See, you-- You guys think I’m stupid.

SANDY  
No, no, just… I don’t believe in God so it’s hard to think of what to say that will make you feel better.

LIZ nods, agreeing, as does ESTHER, but RORI squeezes BRIANNA's hand again.

RORI  
God would never hate you for doing what you need to do.

BRIANNA  
But it’s a sin.

RORI  
You’re not hurting anyone.

BRIANNA scoffs, putting her hand on her stomach.

BRIANNA  
I literally would be.

ESTHER  
I mean, that’s not really a person though, is it?

BRIANNA  
It has a heartbeat, doesn’t it?

SANDY  
Look, I don’t want to offend you, Bree, but I just want to say that all it really is inside of you right now is just a group of cells.

ESTHER  
And in Genesis it literally says that when people have their first breath is when they actually start living, and, I mean, in Judaism the mother's health, physical, mental, whatever, is more important than an unborn child.

BRIANNA  
But… 

She laughs, shrugging, her voice heavy with tears.

BRIANNA  
But-- But my mum didn’t want me when she found out, and I was just some cells back then, and now she says I’m the best thing in her life, so what if this is going to be the best thing in my life and I’m just going to throw it away because I’m… 

She shrugs again, the tears beginning to fall.

BRIANNA  
She always says she wasn’t scared after she had her first ultrasound, but… The idea of having a kid come out of me, be with me forever, just… If I had a kid like me, I would hate it. I know we’re not supposed to say it, but I would, and… I’m just really fucking scared, and I don’t have any money and there’s no room in my house for my family now, let alone another kid, and my mum would be so disappointed, and I know you’ve all been expecting it but…

The GIRL SQUAD all look confused as BRIANNA shrugs, taking deep breaths and wiping her nose.

ESTHER  
We haven’t, Bree, you-- You haven’t done anything wrong.

BRIANNA  
But--

SANDY  
[firm] You haven’t done anything wrong.

BRIANNA’s still for a moment, and then she wipes her tears, nodding, letting herself accept the words.

BRIANNA  
Thanks, guys.

LIZ  
Have you been to the doctor yet?

BRIANNA shakes her head.

RORI  
Okay then, let’s go.

BRIANNA  
What?

RORI  
Let’s go now. Aren’t there, like, pregnancy clinics you can go to with no appointment?

ESTHER  
Probably?

SANDY nods, getting out her phone, LIZ doing the same thing.   
  


SANDY  
I’ll look the nearest one up on Google maps.

LIZ  
I can call my mum, she can give us a ride and she won’t ask questions.

SANDY looks through her phone as LIZ dials a number, holding the phone to her ear as BRIANNA looks between them, confused, and she looks between ESTHER and RORI.

BRIANNA  
What about rehearsal?

ESTHER  
Al said he'd keep them all busy, it’ll be okay.

BRIANNA  
Why are you doing this?

ESTHER looks at her, confused.

ESTHER  
Because we’re your friends?

RORI  
And you would do the same for us.

RORI squeezes her hand again, _“Sign of the Times” by Harry Styles_ starting to play as we go into slow motion. ESTHER and RORI help BRIANNA to her feet, both of them moving away from her afterwards, but BRIANNA pulls RORI back, leaning on her. RORI smiles at her, supportive and scared, and BRIANNA shakily smiles back, tired and relieved.

LIZ hangs up her phone and begins to lead them down the hallway, SANDY talking inaudibly to the group, showing her phone screen to all of them. BRIANNA nods along, and ESTHER takes a tissue out of her pocket, handing it to BRIANNA, who wipes her eyes with it, breathing in and out.

EXT. STREET OUTSIDE THE THEATRE

LIZ opens a fire exit door of the theatre and ushers SANDY, ESTHER, RORI and BRIANNA out, patting BRIANNA on the shoulder as she walks past. They lean against the wall next to the front door of the theatre, LIZ and ESTHER both watching the road, waiting for the car, as SANDY inaudibly talks to BRIANNA, who’s shaking slightly.

RORI looks over at BRIANNA shaking and she takes off her cardigan, draping it onto BRIANNA’s shoulder. It’s simultaneously too big and too small, and the pastel colour is something BRIANNA would never wear, and she, RORI and SANDY share a laugh, at the ridiculousness of the situation and because there’s not much else they can.

A posh-looking car pulls up and the window rolls down to show VICTORIA sitting inside. LIZ opens the doors to the backseat of the car, and SANDY, ESTHER and RORI pile in. LIZ motions for BRIANNA to go to the front seat, and BRIANNA shakes her head, but LIZ pushes her to go, and she does, LIZ getting into the backseat.

INT. VICTORIA’S CAR

BRIANNA looks out the window, actually looking, not just imagining being watched looking. She pulls the cardigan tighter around her shoulders, keeping herself warm, and she looks into the car mirror, seeing the GIRL SQUAD squished together in the back. She makes eye contact with LIZ in the mirror, and LIZ smiles at her, genuinely wanting her to feel better, and BRIANNA smiles back, beginning to feel like some weight has been lifted off of her shoulders.

EXT. BRITISH PREGNANCY ADVISORY SERVICE, BRIGHTON

The car pulls up to the building, the doors opening and the GIRLS getting out, waiting for BRIANNA to come around from the other side of the car. She comes around, and the GIRLS surround her, all of them walking up the road and into the building, the automatic doors sliding open and shut.

INT. RECEPTION, BPAS

The GIRL SQUAD walk up to the reception desk, BRIANNA in the middle. There’s no queue, so they get straight to the front, BRIANNA beginning to speak inaudibly to the RECEPTIONIST, who is listening with genuine interest and care.

BRIANNA keeps talking, looking to the GIRL SQUAD for assistance, and they all nod, BRIANNA continuing to talk to the RECEPTIONIST, who nods, and hands BRIANNA a clipboard with a questionnaire on it, motioning for the GIRLS to all sit down.

They walk to the waiting area, where there are some people dotted about, and they take the five nearest seats in the front row, ESTHER handing BRIANNA a pencil from behind her ear. BRIANNA looks around at her friends sitting around her, and she smiles, breathing calmly, and turns to the paper, beginning to fill it in.

_ CUT TO END CREDITS AS THE SONG CONTINUES _

_ CUT TO BLACK _


End file.
